I have been acutely aware of my thought process over the years, as well as the calamity it tends to leave in its wake. Given their obvious familiarity however, I tend to overlook these facets of myself.
It was recently brought to my attention how counter-productive and damaging that thought process can be. Periodically, this will happen, and I will ponder its consequences, vow to change them, and then as time goes on, I will have done nothing other than maintain the status quo. I often wonder whether or not I can change…
This brings me to the question (and topic of an upcoming blog post) of whether my thought process has been forged by nature or if it has been formed by my experiences. I will explore some of the biochemistry and prevailing thoughts on that topic in the aforementioned upcoming post.
The bottom line is always the bottom line, and the point that I wanted to address in this post was that if I don’t change my thought process, then I will never have anyone or anything in my life to any significant or measureable degree. The need for a change to this behavior is obvious, yet I struggle to effectively change it.
With what any normal person would deem reasonable cause, I tend to be a fairly pessimistic person…in spite of my efforts to be otherwise. Naturally, this frustrates the jovial individuals based on the dichotomy of the situation. The main problem that I have related to this is that my perceived negativity wears down even the mightiest of souls.
What frustrates me has always been my inability to effectively explain the basis for my thoughts and actions. Perhaps its due to my intimate familiarity about them, but the truth is that I am rather dumbfounded. My attempts at explanation are completely ineffective and I don’t know if this is because I can’t explain them well, or if they fall on deaf ears. What I do know is that if I don’t figure it out soon, then I might as well give up.